maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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