I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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