I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
