Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
