How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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