stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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