so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
