Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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