a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
17 year olds will be the death of me.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
