you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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