i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just want nice things and good sex
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
