Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
