Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
