Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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