She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
