how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
