Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
