Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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