halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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