your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
