be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
