If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
