the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
