I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
