Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
