Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
