y did u give ur computer a hand job?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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