You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
