I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
