we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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