Your face is a jimmy john
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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