He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Randomize
