the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
