alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
