I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
