Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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