Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
