i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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