Someone shit on the floor
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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