Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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