Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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