Screwed.edu
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
