As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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