Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
