i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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