Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
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