Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
