DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
