U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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