Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
