guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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