To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
