whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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