Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
