we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
