all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
